This Is The Lazy Way To Kill Bad Habits: 8 Secrets From Research

Sum Up

Here’s how to get rid of those awful bad habits:

  • One at a time. Beat one bad habit per month and in a year you’ll be awesome.
  • Don’t stop. Just count. Don’t eliminate the bad behavior just yet. First, be consistent in your awfulness.
    • Don’t try to reduce the habit, reduce the variability in the habit.

       

    • This tiny effort toward self-control can lead to a decrease in bad habits over time, unconsciously.

       

  • Don’t change you. Change your world. 20 second rule. Make it harder to engage in bad habits.
    • Don’t change yourself. Change your context. We engage in habits because of “triggers” in our environment. Remove the triggers or make them more difficult to reach and you’re less likely to engage in the behavior.

       

    • Every day I download Instagram on my iPhone and every day I delete Instagram off my iPhone. Does it sound like I have a problem? Nope. It’s a great way to make sure I only check it once a day.

       

    • Make bad habits 20 seconds harder to begin and you’re far less likely to engage in them.

       

  • Chill, dude. Stress makes the bad stuff tempting. Relax and you’ll behave better.
  • Don’t eliminate. Replace. You can’t kill bad habits but you can swap them out for new ones.
    • Notice what triggers your bad behavior and then replace your usual response with a new one that gives you a different (but still pleasurable) reward.
  • “If” and “Then.” A simple plan for how you’ll beat temptation helps you beat temptation.
    • …deciding in advance when and where you will take specific actions to reach your goal (e.g., “If it is 4 p.m., then I will return any phone calls I should return today”) can double or triple your chances for success.
  • Forgive yourself. Beating yourself up makes you behave worse. Self-compassion keeps you going.
    • The diet is blown when you eat the one cookie and say, “I give up” — and then devour the rest of the bag.What does science say we should do when we lose self-control or procrastinate? Forgive yourself and move on.
    • Study after study shows that self-criticism is consistently associated with less motivation and worse self-control. It is also one of the single biggest predictors of depression, which drains both “I will” power and “I want” power. In contrast, self-compassion— being supportive and kind to yourself, especially in the face of stress and failure— is associated with more motivation and better self-control.

       

And what’s the final tip?

Peer pressure is a good thing — when you use it strategically. Mom wanted you to hang out with the smart kids in school because they provided good examples. Mom was right.

It’s simple, really. Hang out with people who you want to be. Procrastinate a lot? Spend more time with uber-productive friends. Want to get in shape? Hang around those healthy-eating gym addicts.

This Is The Lazy Way To Kill Bad Habits: 8 Secrets From Research

How To Be More Confident: 3 Secrets Backed By Research

Sum Up

  • Building self-esteem doesn’t work. Unless you’re trying to be a narcissist. If you are… uh, congratulations?
    • The problem with self-esteem is it tends to be comparative in nature. Basically, if I have high self-esteem I have to feel special and above average. That basic need to be better than others is based on a logical impossibility. There’s no way everybody can be above average at the same time. We’re losing before we’re even out of the gate.

       

    • Self-esteem is contingent on success. We basically like ourselves and we judge ourselves positively when we succeed and when we do well. But the second we fail and make a mistake, our self-esteem goes out the window and we do not judge ourselves positively.

       

  • Self-compassion has all the benefits of self-esteem without the downsides. If you don’t believe me, go read the stuff above that you skipped.
  • Talk to yourself kindly, the way you would a friend in need. Yes, it’s that simple.

Seriously, it’s not easy but don’t give up. In fact, at first, being self-compassionate can be hard. Why?

You need to admit you screwed up. Being self-compassionate means you can’t be in denial or rationalize. And that hurts at first. Ironically, becoming self-compassionate requires self-compassion.

But it’s not a paradox. It’s like a muscle. Exercise it and it will grow.

How To Be More Confident: 3 Secrets Backed By Research

This Is The Most Inspiring Way To Be Happier And More Motivated

Sum Up

Here’s what we learned about elevation* — the best way to be happier:

  • Watch inspiring movies: Seeing stories of others doing good makes you happier and makes you want to be good.
  • Write about the good moments: Thinking’s nice but writing is better.
  • Spend time with good people: Hang out with the good kids, like mom told you.
    • Don’t hang out with the bad kids
    • “Psychologists have observed that bad habits can spread through an office like a contagious disease. Employees tend to mirror the bad behaviors of their co-workers, with factors as diverse as low morale, poor working habits, and theft from the employer all rising based on the negative behavior of peers.”
    • “When you take a job take a long look at the people you’re going to be working with — because the odds are you’re going to become like them, they are not going to become like you.”
  • Do good to be good: Be the one who elevates others and karma can be a very real thing.

*Elevation: Elevated participants were more likely to report physical feelings in their chests, especially warm, pleasant, or “tingling” feelings, and they were more likely to report wanting to help others, to become better people themselves, and to affiliate with others.(This is way better than the pleasurable feelings you get eating an ice-cream).

This Is The Most Inspiring Way To Be Happier And More Motivated

I just don’t care about myself. • /r/getdisciplined

The entry below is directly lifted from the site. Credits to Reddit User Ryans01:

Rule numero uno – There are no more zero days. What’s a zero day? A zero day is when you don’t do a single fucking thing towards whatever dream or goal or want or whatever that you got going on. No more zeros. I’m not saying you gotta bust an essay out everyday, that’s not the point. The point I’m trying to make is that you have to make yourself, promise yourself, that the new SYSTEM you live in is a NON-ZERO system. Didnt’ do anything all fucking day and it’s 11:58 PM? Write one sentence. One pushup. Read one page of that chapter. One. Because one is non zero. You feel me? When you’re in the super vortex of being bummed your pattern of behaviour is keeping the vortex goin, that’s what you’re used to. Turning into productivity ultimate master of the universe doesn’t happen from the vortex. It happens from a massive string of CONSISTENT NON ZEROS. That’s rule number one. Do not forget.

La deuxieme regle – yeah i learnt french. its a canadian thing. please excuse the lack of accent graves, but lemme get into rule number 2. BE GRATEFUL TO THE 3 YOU’S. Uh what? 3 me’s? That sounds like mumbo jumbo bullshit. News flash, there are three you’s homeslice. There’s the past you, the present you, and the future you. If you wanna love someone and have someone love you back, you gotta learn to love yourself, and the 3 you’s are the key. Be GRATEFUL to the past you for the positive things you’ve done. And do favours for the future you like you would for your best bro. Feeling like shit today? Stop a second, think of a good decision you made yesterday. Salad and tuna instead of Big Mac? THANK YOU YOUNGER ME. Was yesterday a nonzero day because you wrote 200 words (hey, that’s all you could muster)? THANK YOU YOUNGER ME. Saved up some coin over time to buy that sweet thing you wanted? THANK YOU. Second part of the 3 me’s is you gotta do your future self a favour, just like you would for your best fucking friend (no best friend? you do now. You got 2. It’s future and past you). Tired as hell and can’t get off reddit/videogames/interwebs? fuck you present self, this one’s for future me, i’m gonna rock out p90x Ab Ripper X for 17 minutes. I’m doing this one for future me. Alarm clock goes off and bed is too comfy? fuck you present self, this one’s for my best friend, the future me. I’m up and going for a 5 km run (or 25 meter run, it’s gotta be non zero). MAKE SURE YOU THANK YOUR OLD SELF for rocking out at the end of every.single.thing. that makes your life better. The cycle of doing something for someone else (future you) and thanking someone for the good in your life (past you) is key to building gratitude and productivity. Do not doubt me. Over time you should spread the gratitude to others who help you on your path.

Rule number 3- don’t worry i’m gonna too long didnt’ read this bad boy at the bottom (get a pencil and piece of paper to write it down. seriously. you physically need to scratch marks on paper) FORGIVE YOURSELF. I mean it. Maybe you got all the know-how, money, ability, strength and talent to do whatever is you wanna do. But lets say you still didn’t do it. Now you’re giving yourself shit for not doing what you need to, to be who you want to. Heads up champion, being dissapointed in yourself causes you to be less productive. Tried your best to have a nonzero day yesterday and it failed? so what. I forgive you previous self. I forgive you. But today? Today is a nonzero masterpiece to the best of my ability for future self. This one’s for you future homes. Forgiveness man, use it. I forgive you. Say it out loud.

Last rule. Rule number 4, is the easiest and its three words. exercise and books. that’s it. Pretty standard advice but when you exercise daily you actually get smarter. when you exercise you get high from endorphins (thanks body). when you exercise you clear your mind. when you exercise you are doing your future self a huge favour. Exercise is a leg on a three legged stool. Feel me? As for books, almost every fucking thing we’ve all ever thought of, or felt, or gone through, or wanted, or wanted to know how to do, or whatever, has been figured out by someone else. Get some books max. Post to reddit about not caring about yourself? Good first step! (nonzero day, thanks younger me for typing it out) You know what else you could do? Read 7 habits of highly successful people. Read “emotional intelligence”. Read “From good to great”. Read “thinking fast and slow”. Read books that will help you understand. Read the bodyweight fitness reddit and incorporate it into your workouts. (how’s them pullups coming?) Reading is the fucking warp whistle from Super Mario 3. It gets you to the next level that much faster.

**

Someone asked what I meant by “much more when it comes to how to turn nonzero days into hugely nonzero days”. The long and short of it is a simple truth, but it’s tough to TOTALLY UNDERSTAND AND PRACTICE. It’s this: you become what you think. This doesnt mean if I think of a tree, I’ll be oakin’ it by august. It means that the WAY you think, the THINGS you think of, and the IDEAS YOU HOLD IN YOUR MIND defines the sum total that is you. You procrastinate all the time and got fear and worry goin on for something? You are becoming a procrastinator. You keep thinking about how much you want to run that 5 k race in the spring and finish a champion? Are ya keeping it in mind all the time? Is it something that is defining your ACTIONS and influencing you DECISIONS? If it is, then you’re becoming the champion you’re dreaming about. Dreaming about it makes it. Think and it shall be. But do not forget that action is thought’s son. Thoughts without actions are nothing. Have faith in whatever it is you’ve steeled your mind to. Have faith and follow through with action.

 

***

Ok, Ryan that’s a bunch of nice words n shit, but how does that help me turn slightly nonzero days into hugely nonzero days. Do you believe all these words you just read? Does it makes sense to you that you BECOME WHAT YOU THINK OF? Ask yourself: What do I think of? When you get home and walk in the door. (how quickly did you turn that laptop on? Did turning it on make you closer to your dreams? What would?) At the bus stop. Lunch break. What direction are you focusing your intentions on? If you’re like I was a few years ago, the answer was either No direction, or whatever caught my eye at the moment. But no stress, forgive yourself. You know the truth now. And knowing the truth means you can watch your habits, read books on how you think and act, and finally start changing your behaviour. Heres an example: Feeling like bunk cause you had zero days or barely nonzero days? THINK ABOUT WHAT YOURE DOING. and change just a little bit more. in whatever positive direction you are choosing to go.

 

****Ask, and it shall be given. Seek, and you shall find. Knock, and it shall be opened unto you.It’s not ever gonna be easy, you might have to knock for 20 years, ask 1000 people and look until your eyes bleed. But you have to do it for yourself. I’d say go talk to a school counselor and let them know where you’re at and where you wanna be. Admit that you’re behind and you need help. ALL people want to help on some level, and you’d be amazed what asking can do. But if you ask, and then don’t follow through with your end of the bargain (i.e. math homework 4 nights a week and music practice 3 nights [or whatever dude you make up the rule]) you’re letting yourself down and you’re letting that person down too. Don’t do that. A big part of growing up is the realisation that YOU HAVE TO KICK YOUR OWN ASS harder than your parents did. Because, ultimately, you’re the only one who can.


tldr; 1. Nonzero days as much as you can. 2. The three you’s, gratitude and favours. 3. Forgiveness 4. Exercise and books (which is a sneaky way of saying self improvement, both physical, emotional and mental). 5. Ask and seek help/feedback whenever you need it. 6. Be conscious of what you think about, cause you become what you think, literally.

I just don’t care about myself. • /r/getdisciplined

Stop Waiting to be Chosen (And Be Your Own Hero) | Milk the Pigeon

The 6 Month “Expert” – Getting Paid For Actually Helping People

 

Month One – Modeling:

  1. Go to amazon.com
  2. Type in “web design” for example or “how to write” or “programming” or “video editing”
  3. Order the top 10 books that are highest rated
  4. Read them (approx. 7 hours per 200 page technical book = 70 hours of reading)

Month Two – The One Page Summary:

Put together one page summaries on the key principles in the books.

Structure them like this.

The Big Idea is:

The core, tactical principles are:

1.

2.

3.

Three habits I can start doing today:

1.

2.

3.

Month Three – Synthesize:

Synthesize the basic principles.

Okay, so you’ve read ten of the top books. Now what are the similarities in the principles?

If you’re a fitness coach, you might have realized, okay, diet is 80% of the work.

And X Y and Z are the main principles I need to help my clients with in order to get them results.

And you can use weight training for both men and women to tone them up, then intermittent fasting as an advanced concept.

If it’s writing, you might learn about storytelling, sentence structure, beginning stories in media res, etc.

If it’s programming, you might have learned what the heck programming really is, and how it works.

Month Four – Six: Deliberate Practice & Skill Acquisition (One Hour a Day Philosophy):

At this point, theory virtually doesn’t matter, because if someone is paying you, they just want results.

So in month four, the key thing is to get three free clients.

If you’re a programmer, just try creating something (you’re own web page).

Set aside 1 hour a day.

If it’s writing, just start writing articles and pitching them to The Huffington Post or other websites that are smaller that you’re currently afraid of.

If you’re a designer, offer to design a friend’s website for free. Get the actual skillset, break shit, and then figure out why you broke it.

If you’re working on coaching, coach a few friends for free! Do hourlong coaching sessions, get their feedback, see if it helped, etc.

You’ll quickly realize if you’re good, what needs improving, what you may like or not like, etc.

Month Five – Get A (or More) Free Clients

The next step is to actually get more clients, free ones (or if you feel comfortable, paid ones).

First, go through friends, then just go to local events using meetup.com, post your services on craigslist, or start setting up a website.

But by this point, you already have a skillset that’s valuable and you’re good enough.

Month Six – Make It Happen:

It’s time to start charging. I’ll keep it simple, because even though this is another huge mental hurdle for new people (please don’t charge $10/hour), it’s best learned in the trenches.

Two things:

1. Charge monthly (because you can’t feed yourself on hourly jobs)

2. Charge more than you feel comfortable with

If you feel like $50 a month makes you comfortable, charge $100 a month.

Stop Waiting to be Chosen (And Be Your Own Hero) | Milk the Pigeon