Relationship 101: Non-existent relationships

How to let go of relationships that don’t exist

How do I let go of the guy that didn’t reciprocate my feelings?

How do I let go of the guy that I didn’t actually have a relationship with?

In essence, how do you let go of a one-sided attraction which in your mind has created a relationship out of…your feelings?

For a start, you can’t ‘break up’ when there is nothing to break up from. The only person you have to break up with is you and your rather overactive imagination and feelings.

The issue here isn’t really about ‘him’ (or her), as he’s not really part of the equation when you’ve created an illusion rather than keeping your feet in the real world – the issue is about you and the fact that you don’t want to let go of your feelings, your obsession, your drama.

 

You are a queen of projection. You choose men that cater to your own negative self-fulfilling prophecy and are likely to leave you ‘crushing’ on them and then you project the feelings that you think you have on them and assume that because you think you feel a certain way about them, they should feel that way about you too. You want them to notice you, to see you in the way that you see them, and you conduct the great majority of this stuff in your head without communicating it to them and then wonder why they haven’t reciprocated your feelings.

 

***You don’t actually want to be in a relationship. You’re living in a dream world and afraid of being rejected in the real world. In choosing men who are aloof and unlikely to be interested in you, you get to avoid having to be hurt in a way that you’re trying to avoid. Instead, you build sandcastles in the sky in your head and then feel rejected by your own daydreams because the reality is that you need some sort of inspiration for these illusions and he is not a part of your life. You’re very emotionally unavailable.

 

You don’t want to let go. We don’t want to get real with ourselves in case we find that we have something difficult or painful to look at, we don’t want to admit that we’re often creators of our own pain, and we certainly don’t want to admit that we’re letting go of something that didn’t exist, and if it did, it was for the most part in our heads.

***Remember, it’s a bit difficult to make someone accountable for something that is a grand illusion in your head when you could have been making them accountable for real behaviours. Likewise, you can’t wonder why someone isn’t being and feeling what you want them to be when they’re not part of the relationship in your head.

 

***Quite frankly, any misery you are feeling is for the most part, your own creation because you are not interested in keeping your feet in reality and have been too busy wallowing in your own world. (YESSS)

 

In doing this, you’re not seeing signs that you need to get real, and you’re not hearing signs that you need to get real. In fact, the person may have no clue that you are even interested in them, or if they do, they may have told you that they’re not interested and you switched to unreciprocated feelings mode and hovered there expecting him to see you in the way that you want to be seen and magically catch up with your feelings.

 

***

It doesn’t matter what they feel – you’re only interested in the fact that you feel what you feel and you want them to feel that too. (omg yesss) 

***The thing is, from the moment that you recognise that you 1) are not having your feelings reciprocated and/or 2) that you’re not in a relationship with them, major warning signals should be going to your brain that there is something seriously wrong if you are still trying to get them to reciprocate and obsessing about them over an extended period of time.

 

you’re on a serious avoidance mission because it’s like you want to hide away on these self-created feelings of rejection rather than get out there in the real world and risk yourself in a real relationship.

 

I tend to find that women who are in this situation are invariably in it because they decided that they were crazy about someone and don’t want to let that, and the fantasy go.

You’ve decided that you want him, love him, and to hell with it, you’ll find a way to show him that he should notice and love you too. You’re gonna ride this imaginary donkey of love till it collapses.

And trust me, if you’re doing this, you have some big issues to deal with because you’re engaging in incredibly self-destructive behaviour and repeatedly creating a rejection situation for yourself and then wondering why you’re in pain – because you did it, not him!

In all honesty, the only way that these situations end is when YOU end ‘it’.

***Stop calling, stop chasing, stop texting, stop seeing a bread loaf when there is barely a crumb.

Stop waiting, stop hoping, stop projecting, stop the madness.

Stop creating drama and then wondering why you are miserable – as it’s all one-sided, you are the master orchestrator of your own soap opera.

Commit to being in the real world. Take things at face value so when he doesn’t call, it’s because he doesn’t want to speak with you, not because he’s waiting for you to make a move. When you don’t hear from him for months, it’s not because you did something wrong that you need to figure out – it’s because you are not in a relationship and whilst you are daydreaming the crap out of your life, he is out there living his.

Yes that’s right living and if you spend your energy wanting men that don’t want you and then obsessing about why they don’t want you, your life will be at a standstill.

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