There doesn’t have to be an actual threat in order for fear and anger feelings to be created. If we can prompt these feelings with our imagination, we also have the power to calm and move them on.
I veer between fearing that I’ll sound like a lunatic if I voice my concerns, that I won’t be able to get through, or fearing that the worst has already happened.
I’ve learned to recognise when I’m doing this and have dialed it down, waaaay down. It’s not worth the anxiety.
***I dwell on stuff just to fill in time or even just to have a drama moment. We chase the thoughts and the feelings. If things didn’t ‘close’ as we would have liked, pursuing our imagined scenerios keeps the case open and our hurt feelings too. There was no actual threat taking place at that moment in time. If I can feel myself getting worked up, that’s my cue to come back to earth.
For our own peace of mind, it’s critical to distinguish between real and imagined threats and to know when to pull the plug on the drama playing out in our head and come back to earth. We can’t stop our feelings but we can be in control of how much they rule us and how much reality they’re fed.
***It’s annoying and frustrating to burn up time, energy and emotions imagining all sorts of injustices, only to discover that you’re way off base. If you find it difficult to admit that you’ve misjudged someone’s actions / intentions or a situation, you’ll find it difficult to back away from your feelings and all of that ‘expenditure’ and instead may persist in trying to validate the rightness of your feelings because you operate on a I Felt As If There Was A Threat and I’m In Pain So It Must Be So mentality. You’ll want a return on investment. Even if, like my mother, you recognise that you’ve got it wrong, you may still feel wounded by your imagination and may want to keep referencing it and saying about how worried / upset / angry you were or just retelling the story of what you’d imagined, and all of this gives more airtime to your imagination and BS than it does to reality.
When your imagination starts to go into overdrive for whatever reason, just admit those reasons to yourself and bring yourself back down to reality.