When you consciously want a relationship but subconsciously feel bad about you & relationships, it’s a recipe for unavailability

  • …because life had taught me that people hurt you, people go away, and that the moment you ever relax, something goes wrong.
  • I was and am the common denominator to all of my experiences. I am the only person who shows up to every scene and act plus each and every one of these relationships reflect how I felt about me at the time and also what I thought relationships were about. If I truly wanted to feel better and enjoy healthier relationships, I had to be honest with myself in a straight no chaser way.
  • …our past provides a great deal of insight into why we’re repeatedly finding ourselves in variations of the same situation, and because of the lessons and beliefs that we’ve inferred from certain experiences, we are making choices based around those beliefs.


  • If there’s a gap between what we say we want, and what we’re doing and what’s happening, it’s better to name our BS so that we can face down whatever it is that’s haunting and breaking us through our unconscious habits, than it is to deny it and keep doing the same thing and expecting different results,

    just so that we don’t have to admit that we’re off-base and believing something that is partly or even wholly untrue. 

  • If we want to be in a relationship, we cannot afford to allow unhelpful and unhealthy beliefs to hide out amongst our desires. We have to become increasingly conscious, aware and present, which we can do as a result of increasing awareness about the messages and lessons that we’ve picked up that are unwittingly being repeated so that we can choose differently and do so based on being in the present instead of living in the past.
  • We have to own up to our underlying beliefs because pretending that we have the mindset and supporting attitude and choices to go with our conscious belief, is the fastest way to keep a loving relationship at bay.


When you consciously want a relationship but subconsciously feel bad about you & relationships, it’s a recipe for unavailability


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